please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize