You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
