Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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