I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
