We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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