Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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