we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
