So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
