At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
