and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
