woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
