The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
