id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
The air taste purple.
Randomize
