nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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