i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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