There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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