I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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