Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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