Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
