It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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