yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
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Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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