Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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