Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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