She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
