Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
