She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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