he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
People with herpes should wear stickers.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
