So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
