I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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