yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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