i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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