Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
