Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
