do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So much rum. So many feels.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
