I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
