I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
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Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
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Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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