i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
