Pregnant stripper...not hot.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
