I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
