Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
That was an excessively violent trivia night
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
