It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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