it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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