so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
