theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
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