She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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