it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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