Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My cat gives me a boner
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
