Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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