I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I have fence marks all over my body
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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