I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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