you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
