did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
