Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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