never play flip cup with pint glasses
i was born a porn star she said
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
