I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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