it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
