why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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