Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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