...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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