Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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