You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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